Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
