Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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