I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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