We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
