I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
