I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
