I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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