Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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