your thong is hanging out like whoa
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
