ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
