go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
