I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
