He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
