Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
