Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
