Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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