God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
