my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I believe in your delicious
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
