I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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