She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
