I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
