Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
