No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
