She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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