when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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