there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
