ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
