Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
