I cockslap morals
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
