I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
