8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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