Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
