I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
