I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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