I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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