Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
