chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
