Say something about gay babies.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
