I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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