there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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