there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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