OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
