I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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