My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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