Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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