Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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