ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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