well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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