i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
