i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
