whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
