i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
