Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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