youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
