can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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