Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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