you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
