I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
