our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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