Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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