I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize