Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
