haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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