Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need a shit load of segways right now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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