Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
