Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This house was built for laser tag.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
